I asked the Google search bar...

 I asked the Google search bar: Write a funny speech of Donald Trump comedically roasting Jesus. Here's the response: TRUMP: Thank you, everybody! Wow, what a turnout! We have a very special guest here tonight. JC is in the house, look at him over there. Nice linen outfit. Very casual. He’s been wearing the same robe for two thousand years, folks. I don't know, maybe he hasn't heard of a tailor? I have the best suits, Brioni, beautiful silk ties, but he’s sticking with the bedsheet look. Very low budget. And what about his hair? Long hair, parting it down the middle. It’s an okay look, I guess, if you like the 1970s rock band thing. But people always ask me about my hair. They say, "Donald, how do you keep it so perfect, so wind-resistant?" It takes effort! JC just wakes up, does a miracle, and calls it a day. Total bedhead. Very low energy. But let’s talk about his miracles, because everybody talks about them. He walks on water. Okay, great. Very nice trick. But...

 I asked the Google search bar: write a funny script about Jesus testing Donald Trump on Christianity. Trump should arrogantly correct Jesus at some point. Here's the response: [ SETTING: A blindingly white, opulent office with plush gold carpets. Jesus, wearing a simple linen robe, is sitting at a large desk. Donald Trump paces back and forth, adjusting his red tie. ] JESUS: Donald, it is good of you to meet me. We’re here to review your grasp of the core teachings of Christianity. Let's start with a foundational commandment. TRUMP: Good to be here. Tremendous teachings, many people are saying it. The best teachings. Nobody knows the Bible better than me, frankly. Very beautiful stuff. JESUS: I see. Then let's start with one of my favorites from the Sermon on the Mount Matthew 5 : "Blessed are the meek..." TRUMP: Excuse me, excuse me. Wrong. It’s "the weak." Everybody makes that mistake, but it’s actually "Blessed are the weak." Because I...

 I asked the Google prompt: write a funny script about Jesus waking up from 2000 years of sleep, and what he discovers being done in his name Here's the response: Jesus wakes up from a 2,000-year nap, stretches, and checks out the modern world. He is thrilled to see his teachings of radical love, charity, and peace survived, until he discovers the commercialized, polarizing, and occasionally absurd ways humanity has interpreted his legacy . Title: The 2,000-Year Nap Characters: JESUS: Still rocking the classic robes, completely confused by modern technology and culture. ANGEL GABRIEL: The overwhelmed, extremely busy celestial intern trying to keep him up to speed. [SCENE START] INT. HEAVENLY CLOUD - DAY JESUS sits up on a giant, fluffy cloud, yawning and rubbing his eyes. He is wearing a classic first-century tunic. JESUS Ah, that was a good rest. Ten minutes of shut-eye turns into 2,000 years in human time, right? Gabriel? Where are my sandals? GABRIEL (an Angel in a very wrink...

 I asked the Google search bar: Write a funny script about Jesus finding out what the Catholic church has been saying in his name. Focus on differences between his words and the catholic organization and faith. Consider comparing what he said about the pharisee and the catholic holy orders. Here's the response: Jesus navigates modern times to review the Catholic Church's teachings . He is baffled by a giant organization claiming his authority, specifically noting the disconnect between his anti-hierarchy messages and the rigid structures of the modern Vatican. Title: The Message is "Celebrate" Characters: JESUS: Laid-back, speaks in parables, visibly confused by modern acronyms. PETER: Stressed, holding an iPad, trying to manage PR. [SCENE START] INT. HEAVENLY BREAK ROOM - DAY Jesus is sitting on a cloud, casually turning water into Diet Dr. Pepper. Peter runs in, frantically tapping on an iPad. PETER Boss, we have a situation. A huge PR disaster. The Catholic Churc...