Trump's comedy roast of Jesus
I asked the Google search bar:
Write a funny speech of Donald Trump comedically roasting Jesus.
Here's the response:
TRUMP: Thank you, everybody! Wow, what a turnout!
We have a very special guest here tonight. JC is in the house, look at him over there. Nice linen outfit. Very casual. He’s been wearing the same robe for two thousand years, folks. I don't know, maybe he hasn't heard of a tailor? I have the best suits, Brioni, beautiful silk ties, but he’s sticking with the bedsheet look. Very low budget.
And what about his hair? Long hair, parting it down the middle. It’s an okay look, I guess, if you like the 1970s rock band thing. But people always ask me about my hair. They say, "Donald, how do you keep it so perfect, so wind-resistant?" It takes effort! JC just wakes up, does a miracle, and calls it a day. Total bedhead. Very low energy.
But let’s talk about his miracles, because everybody talks about them. He walks on water. Okay, great. Very nice trick. But why walk when you can fly in a beautiful, gold-plated Boeing 757? I don’t walk on water, folks, I buy the water, I build a tremendous luxury hotel right next to it, and I charge people a fortune for the view. That’s called capitalism!
He keeps talking about how "the last shall be first." I don't know who came up with that math, but it's terrible math. In business, if you’re last, you’re fired! You want to be first. I’m always first. First in the polls, first in ratings. If you’re last, you don’t get a trophy, you get a one-way ticket out of the boardroom.
And let’s look at his inner circle. The disciples. Supposedly the top guys. But let's be honest, they were mostly fishermen. Unskilled labor, folks! Not top executives. And they couldn't even stay awake in the garden when he asked them to. Total sleepers! Sleepy Peter, Sleepy John. If my staff fell asleep during a major corporate merger, they’d be out on the street so fast their heads would spin.
But look, we love Jesus, don't we? He’s done a good job. A very solid run. But it’s time for a real dealmaker. Thank you very much, God bless you!
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