Trump told by Jesus, "Give up all you own"
I asked the Google search bar:
write a funny script where Jesus appears and tells Trump to give up all he owns and follow him.
Here's the response:
SETTING:
The gold-plated boardroom of Trump Tower. Floor-to-ceiling windows overlook Central Park.
The gold-plated boardroom of Trump Tower. Floor-to-ceiling windows overlook Central Park.
CHARACTERS:
- DONALD TRUMP: Sitting in a giant leather chair, signing paperwork with a massive sharpie.
- JESUS: Suddenly appearing in a beam of soft, divine light. He wears a simple linen robe, leather sandals, and has a serene smile.
[SCENE START]
DONALD TRUMP
(Looking up, squinting, completely unfazed)
Wow. Incredible entrance. Terrific lighting effects. Very dramatic. Are you from the production team? Because the hair is perfect. Beautiful hair, frankly.
(Looking up, squinting, completely unfazed)
Wow. Incredible entrance. Terrific lighting effects. Very dramatic. Are you from the production team? Because the hair is perfect. Beautiful hair, frankly.
JESUS
(Stepping forward, speaking softly)
Peace be with you, Donald. I am Jesus, the Son of Man. I have seen your heart, and I have come to give you the ultimate invitation.
(Stepping forward, speaking softly)
Peace be with you, Donald. I am Jesus, the Son of Man. I have seen your heart, and I have come to give you the ultimate invitation.
TRUMP
(Waving hands dynamically)
JC! Tremendous to meet you. Huge fan of your work. The loaves and fishes? Incredible catering margins, zero overhead. And the water into wine? Beautiful product. I’ve been saying we should franchise it. "Christ’s Cabernet." We’d make a fortune.
(Waving hands dynamically)
JC! Tremendous to meet you. Huge fan of your work. The loaves and fishes? Incredible catering margins, zero overhead. And the water into wine? Beautiful product. I’ve been saying we should franchise it. "Christ’s Cabernet." We’d make a fortune.
JESUS
(Shaking his head gently)
Donald, you cannot serve both God and money. If you want to be perfect, go, sell all your possessions, give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then, come, follow me.
(Shaking his head gently)
Donald, you cannot serve both God and money. If you want to be perfect, go, sell all your possessions, give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then, come, follow me.
TRUMP
(Stops mid-signature, blank stare)
Sell... everything?
(Stops mid-signature, blank stare)
Sell... everything?
JESUS
Everything. The towers, the golf courses, the gold-plated planes. Leave it all behind.
Everything. The towers, the golf courses, the gold-plated planes. Leave it all behind.
TRUMP
(Leans forward, hands flat on the desk)
Listen, Jesus, I love your pitch. It’s a very strong opening offer. Very bold. But frankly, it’s a terrible trade deal. Worst trade deal in the history of trade deals. I give you prime Manhattan real estate, and what do I get? "Treasure in heaven"? What’s the liquidity on that? High inflation up there, I hear.
(Leans forward, hands flat on the desk)
Listen, Jesus, I love your pitch. It’s a very strong opening offer. Very bold. But frankly, it’s a terrible trade deal. Worst trade deal in the history of trade deals. I give you prime Manhattan real estate, and what do I get? "Treasure in heaven"? What’s the liquidity on that? High inflation up there, I hear.
JESUS
The treasures of earth are eaten by moths and rust, Donald. True riches are found in humility and serving the least of these.
The treasures of earth are eaten by moths and rust, Donald. True riches are found in humility and serving the least of these.
TRUMP
(Shaking his head, making a face)
Moths? Not in my buildings, Jesus. We have top-tier pest control. The best. And look, nobody has more humility than me. Millions of people say I’m the most humble person they’ve ever seen. But giving up the assets? Total disaster. It’s a low-IQ strategy.
(Shaking his head, making a face)
Moths? Not in my buildings, Jesus. We have top-tier pest control. The best. And look, nobody has more humility than me. Millions of people say I’m the most humble person they’ve ever seen. But giving up the assets? Total disaster. It’s a low-IQ strategy.
JESUS
(Sighs softly)
Truly, I say to you, it is harder for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven than for a camel to go through the eye of a needle.
(Sighs softly)
Truly, I say to you, it is harder for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven than for a camel to go through the eye of a needle.
TRUMP
(Smirking, pointing a finger)
See, that’s where your legal team failed you. That’s a zoning issue. You just need a bigger needle. I know contractors, great guys, very tough, who could build an eye of a needle so big you could fit a fleet of Boeing 757s through it. Problem solved.
(Smirking, pointing a finger)
See, that’s where your legal team failed you. That’s a zoning issue. You just need a bigger needle. I know contractors, great guys, very tough, who could build an eye of a needle so big you could fit a fleet of Boeing 757s through it. Problem solved.
JESUS
(Looking around the gold room with pity)
You cling to these stones, yet they will all fall. Walk with me, Donald. Fish for men, not for gold.
(Looking around the gold room with pity)
You cling to these stones, yet they will all fall. Walk with me, Donald. Fish for men, not for gold.
TRUMP
(Waving both hands dismissively)
Fishing? Low yield. Very low energy. Tell you what, let’s do a counter-proposal. The Abraham Accords Part Three: The Mar-a-Lago Merger. You keep the spiritual division, I take over marketing and hospitality. We put a luxury hotel on the Sea of Galilee. Eighteen holes, pristine sand traps. We change the dress code from robes to golf shirts. We’ll make Heaven great again!
(Waving both hands dismissively)
Fishing? Low yield. Very low energy. Tell you what, let’s do a counter-proposal. The Abraham Accords Part Three: The Mar-a-Lago Merger. You keep the spiritual division, I take over marketing and hospitality. We put a luxury hotel on the Sea of Galilee. Eighteen holes, pristine sand traps. We change the dress code from robes to golf shirts. We’ll make Heaven great again!
JESUS
(The divine light begins to fade as he steps backward)
You have made your choice, Donald. The road is broad that leads to destruction.
(The divine light begins to fade as he steps backward)
You have made your choice, Donald. The road is broad that leads to destruction.
TRUMP
(Shouting as Jesus begins to vanish)
It’s a beautiful road! Fully paved! Ten lanes! Call me when you're ready to talk corporate synergy, JC! Your current business model is completely woke!
(Shouting as Jesus begins to vanish)
It’s a beautiful road! Fully paved! Ten lanes! Call me when you're ready to talk corporate synergy, JC! Your current business model is completely woke!
(Jesus vanishes in a soft flash of light, leaving only a faint scent of frankincense.)
TRUMP
(Muttering to himself, picking up his Sharpie)
Total lack of flexibility. No wonder he had problems with the Romans. Worst negotiators in history.
(Muttering to himself, picking up his Sharpie)
Total lack of flexibility. No wonder he had problems with the Romans. Worst negotiators in history.
[SCENE END]
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