Trump meets the Devil disguised as Putin, one day after doing Netanyahu
I asked the Google search bar:
Write a funny script about Donald Trump meeting the Devil disguised as Putin, one day after meeting the Devil disguised as Netanyahu. Partway through, Trump recognizes that it's just the Devil again.
Here's the response:
[Scene opens in the same gold-plated dining room at Mar-a-Lago. Donald Trump sits at the table, eating a slice of chocolate cake. Vladimir Putin enters, sporting a crisp suit and an unusually warm, eerie grin. The distinct scent of sulfur fills the room once again.]
TRUMP:
Vladimir! Great to see you. Sit down. Tremendous cake here. The most beautiful piece of chocolate cake you’ve ever seen.
Vladimir! Great to see you. Sit down. Tremendous cake here. The most beautiful piece of chocolate cake you’ve ever seen.
PUTIN (THE DEVIL):
Thank you, Donald. It is a pleasure to see you in your... gold-plated swamp.
Thank you, Donald. It is a pleasure to see you in your... gold-plated swamp.
TRUMP:
It’s a palace, Vlad. Total luxury. But let me tell you, you look a little flushed. Very red around the neck. Did you go to Siberia? Did you get a Siberian sunburn? People are talking about it. They're saying, "Donald, Putin looks very bright today."
It’s a palace, Vlad. Total luxury. But let me tell you, you look a little flushed. Very red around the neck. Did you go to Siberia? Did you get a Siberian sunburn? People are talking about it. They're saying, "Donald, Putin looks very bright today."
PUTIN (THE DEVIL):
(Smiling thinly, eyes glowing crimson for a split second)
Let us say I have been supervising the deep pits of the geopolitical landscape. Very intense heat. But I am here to offer you a pact. Total supremacy. Your enemies crushed. Absolute control over the fake news media, for eternity.
(Smiling thinly, eyes glowing crimson for a split second)
Let us say I have been supervising the deep pits of the geopolitical landscape. Very intense heat. But I am here to offer you a pact. Total supremacy. Your enemies crushed. Absolute control over the fake news media, for eternity.
TRUMP:
(Squints, pointing his fork mid-air)
Eternity. Interesting word. Very long time. You know, yesterday Bibi was here. Same seat. He was talking about eternity too. Big fan of the word. He wanted a signature on a scroll. In blood. Total disaster of a contract. Low-energy guy.
(Squints, pointing his fork mid-air)
Eternity. Interesting word. Very long time. You know, yesterday Bibi was here. Same seat. He was talking about eternity too. Big fan of the word. He wanted a signature on a scroll. In blood. Total disaster of a contract. Low-energy guy.
PUTIN (THE DEVIL):
(Leans forward, voice dropping to a low rumble)
Forget Netanyahu. He is small time. I am offering you the ultimate throne. You only need to sign this parchment, and your soul belongs to me.
(Leans forward, voice dropping to a low rumble)
Forget Netanyahu. He is small time. I am offering you the ultimate throne. You only need to sign this parchment, and your soul belongs to me.
TRUMP:
(Pauses, staring intently at Putin's face)
Hold on. Wait a minute. Look at the eyes. Look at the red eyes. And the smell! The burnt toast smell!
(Pauses, staring intently at Putin's face)
Hold on. Wait a minute. Look at the eyes. Look at the red eyes. And the smell! The burnt toast smell!
PUTIN (THE DEVIL):
(Shifting uncomfortably)
It is merely Russian cologne. Very exclusive.
(Shifting uncomfortably)
It is merely Russian cologne. Very exclusive.
TRUMP:
No, no, no. I know that smell. That’s the sulfur! It’s you again! The Devil! You just swapped the Bibi mask for a Putin mask! Unbelievable.
No, no, no. I know that smell. That’s the sulfur! It’s you again! The Devil! You just swapped the Bibi mask for a Putin mask! Unbelievable.
PUTIN (THE DEVIL):
(Sighs heavily, dropping the Russian accent)
Fine! Yes! It’s me! Do you have any idea how hard it is to get an appointment with you? I had to manifest two different global leaders in 24 hours!
(Sighs heavily, dropping the Russian accent)
Fine! Yes! It’s me! Do you have any idea how hard it is to get an appointment with you? I had to manifest two different global leaders in 24 hours!
TRUMP:
It’s a very tight schedule, folks want to see me. But look at you, reusing the same material. Lazy! Very lazy! You think you can just change the accent and come back for my soul? My soul is an A-list asset. It's AAA rated. You can't afford it.
It’s a very tight schedule, folks want to see me. But look at you, reusing the same material. Lazy! Very lazy! You think you can just change the accent and come back for my soul? My soul is an A-list asset. It's AAA rated. You can't afford it.
PUTIN (THE DEVIL):
(Exasperated, slamming his hands on the table)
I am the Prince of Darkness! I rule the infinite abyss! I can afford anything! What do you want, Trump? Name your price!
(Exasperated, slamming his hands on the table)
I am the Prince of Darkness! I rule the infinite abyss! I can afford anything! What do you want, Trump? Name your price!
TRUMP:
I told you yesterday. Trump International Hades. The 18-hole golf course. But now, because you tried to trick me with the Putin look—which was okay, but the posture was a little off—the price went up. Now I want a casino next to the Lake of Fire. No taxes.
I told you yesterday. Trump International Hades. The 18-hole golf course. But now, because you tried to trick me with the Putin look—which was okay, but the posture was a little off—the price went up. Now I want a casino next to the Lake of Fire. No taxes.
PUTIN (THE DEVIL):
A tax-free casino in Hell?! The logistics are a nightmare!
A tax-free casino in Hell?! The logistics are a nightmare!
TRUMP:
Figure it out. You’re the Devil, right? Supposedly very powerful. But frankly, your deal-making skills are terrible. Sad. If you want the Trump soul, you gotta bring the Trump luxury to the underworld. Otherwise, no deal.
Figure it out. You’re the Devil, right? Supposedly very powerful. But frankly, your deal-making skills are terrible. Sad. If you want the Trump soul, you gotta bring the Trump luxury to the underworld. Otherwise, no deal.
PUTIN (THE DEVIL):
(Rubbing his temples as smoke leaks from his ears)
I can’t do this. I’m going back to targeting tech billionaires. They just want youth serums and rocket ships. They don't try to franchise the afterlife!
(Rubbing his temples as smoke leaks from his ears)
I can’t do this. I’m going back to targeting tech billionaires. They just want youth serums and rocket ships. They don't try to franchise the afterlife!
TRUMP:
They’re amateurs! They don’t know branding. Bye-bye, Mr. Devil! Better luck next time! Try wearing a Biden mask tomorrow, maybe you’ll confuse me!
They’re amateurs! They don’t know branding. Bye-bye, Mr. Devil! Better luck next time! Try wearing a Biden mask tomorrow, maybe you’ll confuse me!
[The Devil vanishes in an explosion of green fire and a loud crack of thunder, leaving behind a smoking scorch mark on the rug.]
TRUMP:
(Looking at the floor, shaking his head)
Ruined the carpet. Completely classless. Total loser.
(Looking at the floor, shaking his head)
Ruined the carpet. Completely classless. Total loser.
[Trump takes another bite of his cake as the scene fades to black.]
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