Trump meets the Devil disguised as Netanyahu
I asked the Google search bar:
Write a funny script about Donald Trump meeting the Devil disguised as Netanyahu.
Here's the response:
[Scene opens in a lavish, gold-plated private dining room at Mar-a-Lago. Donald Trump sits at a long table, eating a well-done steak with ketchup. Benjamin Netanyahu enters, wearing his signature dark suit, but his eyes occasionally flash a subtle, glowing crimson. He smiles warmly, though a faint scent of sulfur fills the room.]
TRUMP:
Bibi! Great to see you. Fantastic. Sit down, have a steak. Beautiful steak. Nobody does steak like me.
Bibi! Great to see you. Fantastic. Sit down, have a steak. Beautiful steak. Nobody does steak like me.
NETANYAHU (THE DEVIL):
Donald, my old friend. Thank you. It is always a pleasure to visit your... remarkably humid fortress.
Donald, my old friend. Thank you. It is always a pleasure to visit your... remarkably humid fortress.
TRUMP:
It’s the best. People love it. But let me tell you, Bibi, you look different. Did you get a tan? You look red. Very red. A lot of people are saying, "Donald, look at Bibi, he’s got a glowing vibe." Very powerful.
It’s the best. People love it. But let me tell you, Bibi, you look different. Did you get a tan? You look red. Very red. A lot of people are saying, "Donald, look at Bibi, he’s got a glowing vibe." Very powerful.
NETANYAHU (THE DEVIL):
(Chuckles darkly)
Let’s just say I’ve been spending time closer to the fire lately. The heat in my line of work is intense.
(Chuckles darkly)
Let’s just say I’ve been spending time closer to the fire lately. The heat in my line of work is intense.
TRUMP:
I get it. Politics is tough. Very hot. But I’m the master of the deal, you know that. I make deals, people look at them and they cry. They say, "Sir, how do you do it?" So, what are we negotiating today? Border stuff? Space lasers? What do you got?
I get it. Politics is tough. Very hot. But I’m the master of the deal, you know that. I make deals, people look at them and they cry. They say, "Sir, how do you do it?" So, what are we negotiating today? Border stuff? Space lasers? What do you got?
NETANYAHU (THE DEVIL):
(Leans in, eyes flashing red)
I’m here to offer you the ultimate deal, Donald. Absolute power. Eternal praise. A legacy that will burn for a millennium. Total control over every news network, forever.
(Leans in, eyes flashing red)
I’m here to offer you the ultimate deal, Donald. Absolute power. Eternal praise. A legacy that will burn for a millennium. Total control over every news network, forever.
TRUMP:
(Squints, pointing a fork)
Sounds good. Sounds very good. But what’s the catch? I know catches. I wrote the book on catches. The Art of the Deal, tremendous book, best-seller. What’s your angle?
(Squints, pointing a fork)
Sounds good. Sounds very good. But what’s the catch? I know catches. I wrote the book on catches. The Art of the Deal, tremendous book, best-seller. What’s your angle?
NETANYAHU (THE DEVIL):
Just a small, administrative formality. A signature. In blood. On this scroll. And, of course, your soul becomes my property for eternity.
Just a small, administrative formality. A signature. In blood. On this scroll. And, of course, your soul becomes my property for eternity.
TRUMP:
(Pauses, chews steak thoughtfully)
Your property? See, that’s a bad term. I don’t like being the tenant. I’m the landlord. I build the towers, I put my name on them in big beautiful gold letters. Can we put my name on the scroll? "Trump’s Eternity." It flows better.
(Pauses, chews steak thoughtfully)
Your property? See, that’s a bad term. I don’t like being the tenant. I’m the landlord. I build the towers, I put my name on them in big beautiful gold letters. Can we put my name on the scroll? "Trump’s Eternity." It flows better.
NETANYAHU (THE DEVIL):
(Slightly annoyed, adjusting his tie)
Donald, it’s a soul contract. The Devil always gets the soul. That is the standard operating procedure.
(Slightly annoyed, adjusting his tie)
Donald, it’s a soul contract. The Devil always gets the soul. That is the standard operating procedure.
TRUMP:
Whoa, whoa. The Devil? Bibi, you're the Prime Minister of Israel, not the Devil. Though, let me tell you, some of those guys in Congress, the radical left, they think you're the Devil. Radical Left Demoniacs, I call them. But you? No. You’re doing a great job.
Whoa, whoa. The Devil? Bibi, you're the Prime Minister of Israel, not the Devil. Though, let me tell you, some of those guys in Congress, the radical left, they think you're the Devil. Radical Left Demoniacs, I call them. But you? No. You’re doing a great job.
NETANYAHU (THE DEVIL):
(Sighs, drops the Netanyahu accent, voice dropping an octave into a demonic roar)
I AM THE LORD OF FLIES, TRUMP! I HAVE MERELY BORROWED THIS MORTAL SHELL TO BEGUILE YOU!
(Sighs, drops the Netanyahu accent, voice dropping an octave into a demonic roar)
I AM THE LORD OF FLIES, TRUMP! I HAVE MERELY BORROWED THIS MORTAL SHELL TO BEGUILE YOU!
[The room darkens. The chandelier shakes. A small puff of smoke rises from the ketchup bottle.]
TRUMP:
(Unfazed, waving the smoke away)
Wow. Incredible voice projection. Tremendous special effects. You should do Broadway, Bibi. Truly. But look, about this contract. The soul thing. Fake news. My soul is top-tier. It’s huge. It’s worth way more than what you're offering. You gotta sweeten the pot.
(Unfazed, waving the smoke away)
Wow. Incredible voice projection. Tremendous special effects. You should do Broadway, Bibi. Truly. But look, about this contract. The soul thing. Fake news. My soul is top-tier. It’s huge. It’s worth way more than what you're offering. You gotta sweeten the pot.
NETANYAHU (THE DEVIL):
(Stunned, blinking)
Sweeten the pot? I just offered you absolute world domination!
(Stunned, blinking)
Sweeten the pot? I just offered you absolute world domination!
TRUMP:
Not enough. I already had that. It was great. Everyone agreed. I want a golf course. A beautiful 18-hole course right in the center of the Underworld. No wind. Perfect grass. We'll call it Trump International Hades. And you pay for the construction.
Not enough. I already had that. It was great. Everyone agreed. I want a golf course. A beautiful 18-hole course right in the center of the Underworld. No wind. Perfect grass. We'll call it Trump International Hades. And you pay for the construction.
NETANYAHU (THE DEVIL):
You want me to finance a golf course in Hell?
You want me to finance a golf course in Hell?
TRUMP:
And the demons? They work security. Great guys, very tough, very loyal. We’ll build a wall around the pit. A beautiful, big, obsidian wall. And we'll make the sinners pay for it.
And the demons? They work security. Great guys, very tough, very loyal. We’ll build a wall around the pit. A beautiful, big, obsidian wall. And we'll make the sinners pay for it.
NETANYAHU (THE DEVIL):
(Rubbing his temples, looking exhausted)
This is getting highly complicated. I usually just trade fame for souls. Musicians are so much easier to deal with.
(Rubbing his temples, looking exhausted)
This is getting highly complicated. I usually just trade fame for souls. Musicians are so much easier to deal with.
TRUMP:
Musicians are weak. Losers. I’m a businessman. Now, let’s talk about your appearance. The Netanyahu look? It’s okay. Good suit. But if you’re gonna be my partner, you gotta look sharper. Less sulfur, more hairspray.
Musicians are weak. Losers. I’m a businessman. Now, let’s talk about your appearance. The Netanyahu look? It’s okay. Good suit. But if you’re gonna be my partner, you gotta look sharper. Less sulfur, more hairspray.
NETANYAHU (THE DEVIL):
(Stands up, rolling up the scroll)
You know what? Forget it. The deal is off. You are impossible to negotiate with.
(Stands up, rolling up the scroll)
You know what? Forget it. The deal is off. You are impossible to negotiate with.
TRUMP:
See? He walks away! Everyone walks away because they can’t handle the Trump negotiation style. Bye-bye, Bibi! Tell the demons I said hello! Great guys!
See? He walks away! Everyone walks away because they can’t handle the Trump negotiation style. Bye-bye, Bibi! Tell the demons I said hello! Great guys!
[The Devil vanishes in a flash of green fire and a loud crack of thunder, leaving behind a faint smell of burnt toast.]
TRUMP:
(Looking at the empty chair, then down at his plate)
Terrible manners. Didn't even touch his steak. Totally low energy.
(Looking at the empty chair, then down at his plate)
Terrible manners. Didn't even touch his steak. Totally low energy.
[Trump takes another bite of his steak as the scene fades to black.]
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