Trump ballroom overhaul by Krishna and Shiva, Pope secretly consulting
I asked the Google search bar:
Write a funny script in which Hari Krishna and Shiva decide how to decorate Trump's new whitehouse ballroom. Shiva should be creatively destructive. They call the Pope for an opinion. The Pope is still smarting from the abuse Trump just gave him on Truth Social.
Here's the response:
[SCENE START]
INT. THE NEW WHITE HOUSE BALLROOM - NIGHT
The room is a blinding assault of 24-karat gold leaf, Corinthian columns wrapped in faux-alligator skin, and a massive neon sign that reads: THE TRUMP ULTIMATE ROOM OF CHAMPIONS.
HARI KRISHNA sits cross-legged on a velvet sofa, blissfully strumming a hand-drum. LORD SHIVA stands in the center of the room, leaning on his trident, his blue skin glowing under a massive crystal chandelier. He looks profoundly, cosmically offended.
SHIVA
Hari, my third eye is practically vibrating out of my skull. The sheer density of this gaudiness is disrupting the space-time continuum of the entire East Coast. I cannot just stand here. This room requires a deeply creative, architectural purification.
Hari, my third eye is practically vibrating out of my skull. The sheer density of this gaudiness is disrupting the space-time continuum of the entire East Coast. I cannot just stand here. This room requires a deeply creative, architectural purification.
HARI KRISHNA
(Smiling serenely, tapping the drum)
Oh, do not be so hasty, Mahadeva! Everything has a place in the cosmic dance. Though, admittedly, the feng shui is very... aggressive. Perhaps we just replace the neon sign with some nice flowers?
(Smiling serenely, tapping the drum)
Oh, do not be so hasty, Mahadeva! Everything has a place in the cosmic dance. Though, admittedly, the feng shui is very... aggressive. Perhaps we just replace the neon sign with some nice flowers?
SHIVA
Flowers? Absolutely not. I am thinking bigger. A controlled, artistic apocalypse. I want to turn those gold columns into literal, living Redwood trees that shatter the ceiling. Then, I shall manifest a roaring river of pure, organic kombucha right through the middle of the dance floor, guarded by a chorus of spiritually enlightened pythons.
Flowers? Absolutely not. I am thinking bigger. A controlled, artistic apocalypse. I want to turn those gold columns into literal, living Redwood trees that shatter the ceiling. Then, I shall manifest a roaring river of pure, organic kombucha right through the middle of the dance floor, guarded by a chorus of spiritually enlightened pythons.
HARI KRISHNA
That sounds incredibly chaotic, Shiva. And messy. Maybe we should get a professional Western opinion before you unleash the snakes. Let us consult someone who understands historic palaces.
That sounds incredibly chaotic, Shiva. And messy. Maybe we should get a professional Western opinion before you unleash the snakes. Let us consult someone who understands historic palaces.
Shiva pulls out a glowing, ethereal smartphone and hits speed-dial.
INT. THE VATICAN - CONTINUOUS
THE POPE sits at his desk, rubbing his temples in utter exhaustion. On his desk is a tiny, scratchy beaver-skin drink cozy sitting over an espresso cup, right next to a plastic hockey-skate bottle filled with maple syrup.
POPE
(Answering the phone, sounding deeply annoyed)
Pronto? Look, if this is Washington calling again, the Vatican does not accept returns on blessed memorabilia. And I am not franchising the Papacy into a luxury resort brand!
(Answering the phone, sounding deeply annoyed)
Pronto? Look, if this is Washington calling again, the Vatican does not accept returns on blessed memorabilia. And I am not franchising the Papacy into a luxury resort brand!
SHIVA (V.O.)
(Through phone)
Greetings, Your Holiness. It is Shiva and Hari Krishna. We are currently standing in Trump's new White House ballroom, trying to decide its aesthetic fate. We require your theological expertise on gilded structures.
(Through phone)
Greetings, Your Holiness. It is Shiva and Hari Krishna. We are currently standing in Trump's new White House ballroom, trying to decide its aesthetic fate. We require your theological expertise on gilded structures.
POPE
(Sighing deeply, gesturing at his desk)
Ah, the new ballroom. Do not get me started on that man. Do you know what he just sent me to 'seal our friendship'? He sent me a tiny, scratchy beaver sleeve for my coffee and a plastic hockey skate full of syrup! Then he called me on the secure line to brag that his brain was 'too big' for standard theology, and told me he just named a frozen, mosquito-infested glacier in Canada after himself! The absolute audacia! I am still smarting from the sheer disrespect.
(Sighing deeply, gesturing at his desk)
Ah, the new ballroom. Do not get me started on that man. Do you know what he just sent me to 'seal our friendship'? He sent me a tiny, scratchy beaver sleeve for my coffee and a plastic hockey skate full of syrup! Then he called me on the secure line to brag that his brain was 'too big' for standard theology, and told me he just named a frozen, mosquito-infested glacier in Canada after himself! The absolute audacia! I am still smarting from the sheer disrespect.
INT. NEW WHITE HOUSE BALLROOM - CONTINUOUS
Hari Krishna leans closer to the glowing phone, still maintaining a gentle, upbeat rhythm on his drum.
HARI KRISHNA
Joyful greetings, Your Holiness! We feel your frustration. He tried to tell us that his real estate portfolio transcends the astral plane. But tell us, how should we handle this room? Shiva wants to bring in pythons.
Joyful greetings, Your Holiness! We feel your frustration. He tried to tell us that his real estate portfolio transcends the astral plane. But tell us, how should we handle this room? Shiva wants to bring in pythons.
POPE (V.O.)
(Voice trembling with residual irritation)
Pythons? No, that is too gentle. He hates bad reviews and low ratings. Shiva, can you turn the floor into a literal, muddy Manitoba swamp? Fill it with exceptionally loud, high-decibel mosquitoes. He loves shouting over crowds, let us see him try to out-shout a swarm of Canadian bugs.
(Voice trembling with residual irritation)
Pythons? No, that is too gentle. He hates bad reviews and low ratings. Shiva, can you turn the floor into a literal, muddy Manitoba swamp? Fill it with exceptionally loud, high-decibel mosquitoes. He loves shouting over crowds, let us see him try to out-shout a swarm of Canadian bugs.
SHIVA
(Grinning wildly, his third eye flashing)
A Manitoba swamp inside the White House? Your Holiness, that is beautifully destructive. I shall mix the swamp with my kombucha river. The pillars will become decaying logs, and the neon sign will dissolve into glowing, radioactive fungus!
(Grinning wildly, his third eye flashing)
A Manitoba swamp inside the White House? Your Holiness, that is beautifully destructive. I shall mix the swamp with my kombucha river. The pillars will become decaying logs, and the neon sign will dissolve into glowing, radioactive fungus!
POPE (V.O.)
Perfectissimo. Make sure the mud is incredibly difficult to clean out of golf shoes. Do it for the global balance of peace.
Perfectissimo. Make sure the mud is incredibly difficult to clean out of golf shoes. Do it for the global balance of peace.
HARI KRISHNA
(Chanting happily)
Peace, tranquility, and a very muddy, buggy executive mansion!
(Chanting happily)
Peace, tranquility, and a very muddy, buggy executive mansion!
SHIVA
It is decided. Thank you, Your Holiness. Go in peace.
It is decided. Thank you, Your Holiness. Go in peace.
Shiva hangs up the phone, raises his trident, and slams it onto the pristine marble floor. Instantly, a wet, squelching sound echoes through the room as thick, brown mud begins to bubble up through the gold leaf.
[SCENE END]
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